12 questions to ask on every assisted living tour

I've given more tours than I can count, and I can tell within minutes which families will make a good decision. It's not the ones with the longest checklist. It's the ones asking questions that can't be answered with a brochure.

Steal these twelve. Ask them everywhere, including with us.

The staff questions (ask these first)

1. How long has the executive director been here? Staff tenure is the single best predictor of care quality I know. A building on its third director in two years is telling you something no marketing can unsay.

2. How long have the nurses and aides been here? Same logic, closer to your parent's daily life. Ask an aide directly if you get the chance. Their face will answer before their words do.

3. What's your overnight staffing? Every community staffs well at 2 p.m. on tour day. Your mother lives here at 3 a.m. too.

The money questions

4. Can I see the complete rate sheet? All of it: base rates, care-level charges, community fees, anything that appears on a bill. A community that hesitates here will hesitate on harder things.

5. What would my parent's actual monthly cost be, after an assessment? Base rates are advertising. The assessed all-in number is reality. Insist on comparing communities by the second number.

6. How often have rates increased in the past three years, and by how much? History predicts the future better than promises do.

The care questions

7. What happens when my parent's needs increase? You want tiers and a process, described plainly. What you're listening for is whether needs growing means a care-plan change or an eviction notice.

8. What would make you tell me this is no longer the right place for my mother? My favorite question in the industry. A community that can describe its own limits honestly can be trusted within them. A community that claims it can handle anything is lying to one of you.

9. How will you communicate with me, and how fast? Falls, medication changes, mood shifts. Ask for specifics: who calls, within how long.

The life questions

10. Can we eat a meal here? Never skip this. Food quality and dining-room mood tell you more in thirty minutes than the rest of the tour combined. Watch whether staff know residents' names and preferences without checking anything.

11. What did residents do yesterday afternoon? Not the laminated calendar. Yesterday, specifically. Great communities answer with names and stories.

12. Can I come back unannounced? The answer must be yes. Then actually do it, on a weekend, when staffing is thinnest. The gap between the Tuesday tour and the Saturday drop-in is the truest measurement in senior living.

One habit that beats every question

Tour twice, and the second time, talk to a resident's family member if you can catch one in the parking lot. Ask them one thing: would you choose this place again? Nobody on any payroll, including mine, can give you a more useful answer.

Bring this list on every tour you take. We'll answer all twelve on ours, and the day you ask number 12, our door works the same as any other day.